Old Habits Die Screaming
I don’t know that I’d consider myself a Swiftie by any stretch, but I have recently been listening to more of her music, and I have enjoyed the new album. It’s my vibe of introspective and reflective and lyrical. There is one line, in particular, that just keeps coming back and back to me. In “The Black Dog” there is a line that says
Old habits die screaming
She’s (probably) talking about an old love, but I can’t help but feel that line in the very depth of me as I look at my life and the last few months and years. The last year has been nothing like what I thought it would be. This new life has been nothing like I expected. There is still so much to unpack, to figure out, to dig into, to dig through, to shovel out into the world.
But, at the same time, I find myself on the hamster wheel of life - running into the same thought patterns, the same fears, the same frustrations, the same everything. The same old habits. No matter how hard I try and fight against them, no matter how much I want to make something new out of my life, I find myself in the middle of the old habits. They latch on with their claws and don’t want to let go.
Old habits really do die screaming.
Those are the habits on which we have built so much of our life. Some of them hold so much of our identity. We don’t want to let them go. They don’t want to be let go. Those are the habits that, for better or worse, have made us who we are.
Here are some of the things that are screaming as they die in my life:
self-depreciation. I’m never going to be a super proud person, but dang it, I have some skills and talents that are worth acknowledging and celebrating.
fear. There is a lot I’m scared of, and a lot that will scare me. But I’m working hard to make the things that scare me scared of me.
negativity. I am worth knowing. Worth loving. Worth being in people’s lives.
unhealthy relationships. I’ve spent too much of my life afraid that if people knew me, they wouldn’t love me. So I cling to relationships that don’t always let me blossom.
anxiety. This one is a tough one and it’s a fight every day. Letting go of anxiety means letting go of control. But let’s be honest. My life has felt pretty out of control for the last…yea.
making myself small. Blending in and making myself small kept me safe, but it also really limited my life. Enough.
making excuses for how other people treat me.
blaming other people.
blaming myself.
settling for good enough when extraordinary is right there.
So, let these old habits die. Let them kick and scream and wail. But let them die. And from their ashes, let me rise again.
Love,
Emily